What a beautifully written and honest reflection that offers so much to the reader, Victoria.
You have courage and conviction and although van life wasn't for you, I think the experience itself was important in helping you navigate that difficult period and recalibrating your life.
As a VW van owner myself (acquired to escape during the pandemic), your account struck so many chords. You had me nodding gently in agreement and recognition, smiling, grimacing and appreciating every emotion.
For what it's worth, my own belief is that the genuine happiness so many seek when embarking on a van life adventure, can only truly be realised when it's shared.
I hope you've found your genuine happiness and the life you want to live.